But,.. but,.. they're my trifocals!!

I rarely go an entire night at work without SOMETHING striking me as funny. Tonight was no exception.

Where I live, there is a large population of Russian natives. Like any group of people who are made up of mostly immigrants, alot of them do not speak english. At the hospital I work in, we have several Russian translators, but they are always very busy and it's hard to get one when you need them sometimes. Tonight, we had a Russian-speaking guest that I needed to relay a message to, but she understood just enough english to tell me her interpreter would "Be back in 50 second", holding up one finger. Whatever. I decided that I would be snazzy and use Bing translator. If you've never used it, it's pretty awesome. You type in anything in the english side, and it will translate to whatever language you need. I typed the message I needed to tell her in, and pressed "translate". Within seconds, I had her message, printed in Russian, in my hand. I thought she would be relieved, excited, happy,... but no. She was frustrated because she didn't have her glasses with her (at least that's what I understood from her hand motions). I pointed to the message and spoke simply and clearly "Can you read this? Okay? This is okay?" She shook her head and pointed to an elderly white man (who might speak Gaffney, but I'm willing to bet he couldn't speak Russian) and said "Aha!! You!!! Mister!! You!!!" and ran to him. Now, picture a very well developed middle aged woman, with a thick accent, running at you in a hospital, pointing and screaming "You! You". This man was frightened, and I only wish there were words to express the sheer horror on his face. It was hysterical. I'm following her, saying "Ma'am! Ma'am! It's in Russian! He can't read it!" She had other plans. She reaches for his glasses on his face, and of course he jerks his head away from her and is trying to understand what she's doing and why is this crazy woman stealing his glasses OFF HIS FACE. "Glazzezz! You give me, Mister, please. I use you glazzezz, okay Mister?" As she is putting them on to read the russian message, he keeps saying in protest "But those are my TRIFOCALS! They're no good for you!" Well, neither were his words of protest, because she kept right on squinting through the large manly framed glasses on her face. She hands them back and says "Not good. Not good glazzezz." and shakes her head like he had really dissappointed her in some major way. Just then, the interpreter's "50 second" break was up, and she returned and translated my message for this guest and all was well. Sorta. I went back to the gentleman with the trifocals, to try to apologize for the crazy situation that had just occurred. "Sir, I'm so sorry about that. I tried to stop her, but I do'nt think she understood me. Thank you for being so patient and kind with that whole situation", to which he snickered and said "That's alright, Hon. These are trifocals. I knew she wouldn't see a thing with 'em anyhow!" and winked as if he'd pulled a fast one on the babushka.